When you love someone but it goes to waste…

He’ll never call. As I type this, I make myself aware of the fact that I do not believe this wholeheartedly. He will not call, and while he won’t, I will keep dejectedly waiting for his call. My best girl friends, people who I tell my darkest, deepest secrets to, are the ones I am lying to about this. This is a stupid, trivial thing compared to what all I trust them with. But I can’t tell them that I still have feelings for him and that his absence makes me feel sad, because they don’t get it. One of them has never had a boy not like her back. The other has never liked a boy to that extent. I don’t blame them for not getting it. But I do blame them for judging me for being a spineless, sad, pushover. Really. He won’t ever call. Because his biggest game is to make me feel like shit. He thrives on this. Why don’t I get it? Why can’t I accept that?

I’ll do about anything for this person. If he calls me and tells me to help him hide a body, I might even do that. If he calls me after so many days and tells me to meet him, I will not say no. I will be there if he picks up the phone to vent to me about whatever it is that is going wrong in his life. I love him that much. Since when did love become so mean? I love him. I’m hopelessly in awe of his goodness. I’ve been pining for him for two years now. Two years. I don’t think there’s a more pathetic character on a tv show than the person I am being right now. I would get over him. I would. But I have feelings for him. I don’t know how to squash them inside a little box within my heart. I don’t know how to make him stop calling me at all so that I’d finally find it within myself to eventually move on.

I want to cry so much. For giving away so much that it hurts that he doesn’t give a shit about me. I can’t press publish on this. It will just make me pining for a guy who doesn’t love me back, and haven’t I had enough of that shit yet?

Posting this song here in case you need to hear it. I needed to.ย http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI-o25K6B-E

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4 thoughts on “When you love someone but it goes to waste…

  1. Hey lady.

    Just wondering what you like about this particular boy. Also, maybe you should read some articles on the net about how a girl can get out of the friend zone? Try taking the advice? Maybe
    that will help? In the long run, all the best. In between, we all do friendship wrong sometimes based on our experience which isn’t applicable. Good luck.

    • Thank you for your thoughts. ๐Ÿ™‚ I have read my share of self-help online, but I guess when someone doesn’t like you, nothing can make them change their heart. This boy is unlike any other I’ve met. Or so I think. He seems too nice, too good, too mature than most guys out there. Thanks again!

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