When everyone is asleep, that is when the demons come out. Darkness, night, despair: there are all synonyms for each other. I feel lonely and helpless as my thoughts visit me again to haunt me, as they do, every night. Night time is when there are no distractions present to ward the thoughts off. Knowing that you can not wake up your family to just because; the fact that if a burglar was to enter my house right this moment, I would be alone in fighting him; these aren’t very comforting thoughts. At night, my city is sleeping. Occasional vehicles whiz past my window, and the dogs barking at each other remind me that is that time when even they have the liberty of misbehaving as they wish.
I am alone, this thought sinks in. I hate having all night with nothing to do. I hate even more when I wake up in the late evening to find that my entire day has passed me by while I was lying almost dead in bed. To wake up and to start my day without the sun is depressing. What’s the difference between me and the prisoner caged in a cell for nearly forever, dying from inside because he is suffocating in days and nights that all seem the same? Both, without any light. Perhaps, one of the ways I imprison myself is by exposing myself unarmed and vulnerable to the brutal part of my own mind. Perhaps. I find a way to ensure that I am kept away from light (or, life, they’re basically both the same) by sleeping through the day?
Last night, I took a medicine for flu and cough in order to induce sleep. I fell asleep almost immediately, which is extremely rare for me. When I woke up first, it was 9AM. I realised that I had slept only a few hours and needed more. I turned over, buried my face in the pillow, and zoned off. I then opened my eyes at 140PM, and having realised that, I was ecstatic. Finally! Finally I was up at a decent time (relatively), and finally I could initiate fixing my sleep routine. I thought about bbm-ing my nocturnal friends saying,”Guess who’s up?”.
“In a bit”, I thought to myself. I kept an alarm on my phone for 3PM to wake me up in case I fell asleep again as I lay on my bed with eyes shut waiting for the urge in me to get up from my bed to welcome the day.
The next time that I woke up (for good this time) was 730PM.